In a Mood by Andrew Ball

“Can I buy you a drink?” 

“No, I don’t think so.” 

“Waiting for someone, are you?” 

“No, it’s not that.” 

“What, then?” 

“I’m in a mood.” 

“What sort of mood?” 

“A subjunctive mood.” 

“Huh? How does that work, then?” 

“Well, if I were to say ‘yes’, you’d buy me the drink and we’d get talking. You’d probably be quite entertaining and you’d make me laugh. So after we’d had a couple more rounds, I’d be feeling quite mellow, and when you suggested we went back to your place, I’d think ‘Well, why not?’” 

“Sounds promising...” 

“After all, tomorrow’s Sunday and I’d be having a good time, so I’d decide to just go with the flow. Anyway, one thing would lead to another and after a few weeks you’d ask me to move in with you, and I’d agree. We’d still be getting on okay and two can live as cheaply as one, you know.” 

“Oh, boy!” 

“We’d soon settle into a routine, redecorate the flat, get a dog -- or maybe a cat -- collect a few friends...” 

“Sounds great!” 

“...until the day we fall pregnant.” 


“You bet ‘we!’ I’m not going through this on my own, you know.” 

“Oh, okay, I guess.”

“She’d be the cutest little thing. She’d have my eyes and your nose, and by the time she was three it’d be clear she had a mind of her own. She’d be as independent as a hog on ice, a real tear-away. In High School, she’d fall in with the wrong crowd and get busted for doing drugs...” 

“Oh, no!” 

“...but after a while she’d straighten herself out, until one evening she’d be sitting alone in a bar and a guy would come up and ask: ‘Can I buy you a drink?’”

Published in Issue #14

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