Rant by Jill Waters

‘It’s not what it looks like.’ 

‘How is anything about this ‘not what it looks like’? I’d venture to say it is exactly what it looks like.’ 

‘What I mean is, it’s not how it appears.’ 

‘That’s the same thing, you idiot, just using a thesaurus.’ 

‘Okay, well, well…you don’t understand.’ 

‘Then explain it to me. Tell me exactly how this - this scene before me - is not what it looks like and is beyond my understanding.’ 

‘I’ve been having a bad time. You know, with lockdown and everything. It’s been hard.’ 

‘Think that’s the case for everyone. We’ve all struggled.’ 

‘But I wasn’t coping before. Covid just made everything worse. I never seemed to be able to switch off, distract myself from my thoughts. And then there was the money thing. Furlough - less coming in, more going out. I was hooked on buying stuff I didn’t need online. Couldn’t stop myself. Had to have it. Lived for the thrill of socially distanced, Covid compliant deliveries. Never managed to quarantine the parcels though, had to open them straight away. All the trainers, all the clothes. I could wear a different outfit every day for a month. Ironic when there was nowhere to go. 

Then my dad got ill. He’s okay now, but it was touch and go for a while and we

couldn’t visit, so that was stressful, and scary. I’d have panic attacks where I tried to imagine what it’d be like without him. Planned his funeral. Stuff like that. And I obviously couldn’t talk to Mum about it, because, well she was worried enough already. 

And then things got better, and then they got worse, and then I just didn’t know what to believe anymore…’ 

‘Blimey, mate, I only wanted to know why you’d eaten my sandwich.’

Published in Issue #24

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