Stars at Night by Lewis Dunn

‘Blink and you’ll miss it.’ So I blinked but I’m not sure I really missed anything, I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for. We were laying on the floor, the blanket he’d brought spread out, little jagged rocks poking me in the back, recumbent, staring directly into the stars waiting for something spectacular to happen… or so he said. 

I’d never been into astrology. My step-dad was a fucking geek, he used to get my mum to buy him books on it, study in depth about the constellations and their deeper meaning. I remember trying to bond with him once by asking him his star-sign, his face a picture when I read out Mystic Meg’s predictions for Virgo. Some people have no sense of humour. 

‘Did you see it?’ He asked, his hand moving stealthily towards the top of my thigh, slowly trying to lift the bottom of my dress up. 

‘Not sure,’ I replied nonplussed, closing my eyes and taking a breath, goose pimples on my skin. 

‘It doesn’t matter – as long as you’re aware it happened.’ 

‘I am,’ I lie. 

‘There’s high energy in the air, can you feel it… it just flows through you,’ he’s almost touching my crotch ‘like electricity…’ 

He slides his index finger into me, my body frozen, the complexities of what’s taking place causing the revulsion to bubble up inside. I’d imagined my first time as something sensual, fantastical and romantic, not rough and uncomfortable. 

I’m dry but it doesn’t stop him and he’s already on top of me, heavy and unperturbed, flopping around like a dead fish as he wrestles with his belt buckle. 

I think of mum and cry, wondering whether she knows, thinking of all the money she’d wasted on this useless prick and those stupid fucking books. 

Published in Issue #16

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